I remember well the adjustments we
had to make when we went to live in Utah. My first call in our ward was
to serve as a Relief Society teacher. I watched the other teachers very
closely and was deeply impressed with their striving for perfection in
their teaching. Even their hairdos and immaculate dress showed their
striving for perfection. I admired how fluent and articulate they were
in the English language. How could I, with my poor English, compete with
them and be their teacher? I was eager to learn and was so glad to hear
that there was a stake preparation class for Relief Society teachers.
When I attended the training meeting
for the first time, I was full of high hopes. I was not prepared for
the question I was asked about what kind of centerpiece I would use when
I gave my lesson. How incompetent I felt! I had no idea what a
centerpiece was or what its purpose in the presentation of a lesson
could be. Negative feelings about myself began to undermine my
confidence. …
I continued to feel inferior as I
watched the sisters in my ward and saw them planting gardens and canning
the produce. They exercised daily by jogging. They sewed and
bargain-shopped. … They took dinners to new mothers and the sick in
their neighborhoods. They took care of an aged parent, sometimes two. …
They were faithful in doing temple work, and they worried about catching
up on their journals.
Intimidated by examples of
perfection all around me, I increased my efforts to be like my sisters,
and I felt disappointed in myself and even guilty when I didn’t run
every morning, bake all my own bread, sew my own clothes, or go to the
university. I felt that I needed to be like the women among whom I was
living, and I felt that I was a failure because I was not able to adapt
myself easily to their lifestyles.
I could have benefited at this time
from the story of a six-year-old who, when asked by a relative, “What do
you want to be?” replied, “I think I’ll just be myself. I have tried to
be like someone else. I have failed each time!” Like this child, after
repeated failure to be someone else, I finally learned that I should be
myself. That is often not easy, however, because our desires to fit in,
to compete and impress, or even simply to be approved of lead us to
imitate others and devalue our own backgrounds, our own talents, and our
own burdens and challenges. … I had to learn to overcome my anxious
feeling that if I didn’t conform, I simply did not measure up.
… When I tried to copy my wonderful
sisters as I taught my class with a special centerpiece and other
teaching techniques that were unfamiliar to me, I failed because the
Spirit still talks to me in German, not in English. But when I got on my
knees to ask for help, I learned to depend on the Spirit to guide me,
secure in the knowledge that I am a daughter of God. I had to learn and believe that I did not need to compete with others to be loved and accepted by my Heavenly Father. …
… Our efforts should not be to perform nor to conform but to be transformed by the Spirit. …
Many pressures bind us to the world. Being honest in heart frees us to discover God’s will for our lives. …
… Although we might be absorbed in
meeting our daily challenges and opportunities for growth, we cannot
afford to live one day or one minute without being aware of the power
within us.
This series highlights the lives of devoted women and their messages, excerpted from the book At the Pulpit: 185 Years of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women (2017). The book is available, along with seven bonus chapters, in the Gospel Library app and online at churchhistorianspress.org/at-the-pulpit.
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