Megan Finlay
Self Indulgence - Feels Great in the Moment
Self Care - Helps You Progress for the Future
As I thought about the topic of Self Indulgence vs Self Care, I broke it down for myself
into a very simple definition. Both are actions you do to take care of your physical,
emotional, and spiritual needs, but the world will label indulgent things as self care and
convince you that you deserve it. You deserve so much more! The spirit will help you know
what care you need. It’s not bad to be indulgent sometimes. It’s only a problem if you
mislabel it.
Types of Self Care
Physical-Getting enough water, food, sleep, and physical activity.
Emotional-The ability to be aware of what you’re feeling and cope in a healthy
way.
Personal-Developing hobbies, making goals and planning for the future.
Social-Connecting with others or having time alone to regroup.
Spiritual-Search, Ponder and Pray!
Practical-Taking time to organize your space, time, budget etc.
There are different types of self care, but if we view it as necessary to do everything all
the time it can get overwhelming when it is meant to be rejuvenating.
A few years ago I was feeling this. At a time of complete exhaustion I made a spreadsheet
I labeled “Why I am Overwhelmed” and listed all the things I felt I was supposed to be
doing everyday. This is when I had 2 little kids. My husband was busy with his residency
program. I was Young Women’s President. I was in a busy season of life and feeling it.
After I listed each thing and how long it should take I discovered I needed an extra 5
hours every day to get done all the things I thought I should be doing. The problem is
sometimes our self care items feel like just another thing we should be doing that we need
to try to balance.
The Balancing Act
This painting comes from a book I loved as a kid and just recently re-read to my boys. The
artist’s statement of the piece says “Life is a balance between fun and work, spiritual
qualities, education, nutrition... our lives are continuous balancing acts. Of course, some of
us make it a little more complex by putting our only balancing foot on the back of a moving
turtle.” We don’t have to make it so hard on ourselves.
“You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices.
And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.”-Fred Rogers
Mr. Rogers says it well. We can’t do it all!
“Our busy lives force us to focus on things we do from day to day. But the development
of character comes only as we focus on who we really are. To establish and accomplish
those greater goals, we need heavenly help.”
-President Russell M. Nelson
President Nelson also reminds us to focus on who we are and that to do so we need the help
that comes from listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
“Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when
thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your
sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God;
and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day.” Alma 37:37
This scripture in Alma lays out a guideline of how we can manage our lives. I love that this
scripture includes getting REST!! The Lord doesn’t push us to exhaustion.
You have to say NO to a lot of good things in order to be able to say YES to a lot of
great things.
Knowing when to say No has been tough for me. I am naturally a people pleaser and like to try
to help others whenever possible. 2 ½ years ago I had just been called to be Relief Society
President, but at the same time was being asked (and a little pressured) to be the PTA
president at my kids school. I prayed and pondered over it and got my answer while laying in
bed one night. I googled Relief Society President and PTA President and the result that
popped up was someone's obituary! Obviously volunteering wasn’t the cause of her death, but
after I stopped laughing long enough to tell my husband that being both RS President and PTA
president might kill me, I knew that I had my answer. Now wasn’t my time.
“The Holy Ghost doesn’t tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would
become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step
at a time” Elder Lawrence
I have loved the talk from a few years ago by Elder Lawrence ‘What Lack I yet?’ This has
helped me form better systems to both care for myself and manage my time. This is help
that is specific to each of us wherever we are. These won’t be the same for each of you,
but examples for me have been:
Prioritizing gospel learning. I love to read and listen to books. There have been times
when the fluff was taking over the spiritual because it was easier to focus on when I was
tired.
Setting Goals. I plan a day each month to review my progress in different categories and
make new goals.
Weekly Planning Sheet. This helped to prioritize my time, my menus, my cleaning without
getting stressed about not having the ‘perfect’ system that I kept striving for.
As I looked over my spreadsheet from a few years ago I realized I’m not any less busy,
but I am less overwhelmed. I’ve been able to have help knowing where to focus my time
and when so I don’t feel like it all has to be done all the time.
Our natural man tends to be enticed by self indulgence, but The lord pushes us forward
with love.
Self Indulgence -Continues to focus on SELF
Self Care - Allows us to focus on OTHERS
The world is using the term self care as a marketing scheme. As I looked at podcasts
labeled selfcare I noticed a theme that could have you spiral to inward selfishness if not
careful. Thinking you are caring for yourself by perfecting your looks leads us to be like
the women that Isaiah warned about when he said “the daughters of Zion are haughty, and
walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and
making a tinkling with their feet” (Isaiah 3:16) We want to be more like the “Virtuous
Woman” described in Proverbs 31 who’s price is greater than rubies.
Selfless service is a wonderful antidote to the ills that flow from the worldwide epidemic
of self-indulgence.” -Elder David Baxter
The answer lies in helping to solve the problems of those around us rather than worrying about
our own, living to lift burdens even when we ourselves feel weighed down, putting our shoulder
to the wheel instead of complaining that the wagons of life seem to be passing us by.
The Responsible Woman
This painting shows the difference in our outlook when we are focused on Christ. Unlike the
balancing act picture trying to balance everything while standing on a turtle, when we are in
good balance, we find we don’t have to balance at all. We can confidently soar above life's
troubles and challenges as we move forward doing the Lord’s work. He helps us know when to
stretch ourselves and when to rest.
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